The day approaches that an understanding is reached. How I hope the it goes without a hitch. My anger dissipates quickly now. My control is stronger now that it is all driven to a point and I understand why it exists. But I see you. What shall you do? Shall you try to harm me or due me ill will? No, you are much too cocky for that. You will act as though you don’t have a care in the world. As if my disgrace was only skin deep. But I know the truth. Everything you do is false, every emotion you have is a ruse and I believe you have no true emotion about anything. It’s sad really. You will never know how to truly feel. But I know this, and with this knowledge I will not let you get to me. Should you act though, remember that this fat cactus has thorns, and no amount of fire you have will hurt me.
December 2011
I had to. And when I did. All I saw is what angers me the most and makes me sick to think about. You once asked me if it makes my stomach roil when I see what makes you happy. It does. And that’s not the worst of it. The worst is seeing your desire. Because I know what drives it and what doesn’t.
Now he’s a slave. Once free to love. Now he’s chained to memories that cause pain. Once a proud soldier. Now a martyr to what he fought against. Once a fighter with his path clear before him. Now he’s a begging straggler with visions of the blind. Once a believer. Now all he can do is hope.
They tell them of the good and the bad, of the important and the not. But as prisoners, this is a form of punishment. For them to know what happens on the outside, it makes them yearn for it, until torture of incarceration and not being able to live a life outside what is forced upon them destroys them. They shouldn’t be pitied, for it is their own doing.
